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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

"Tech Star" - Parody of Nickelback's "Rock Star"



Tech Star Lyrics

I'm through with standing in line for a bullshit promotion,
Working for a luddite who ain't got a notion.
This career hasn't turned out quite the way I want it to be.

(So tell me what you want?)

I want to join a start-up in the digital space,
And build a rock star business just like Steve Case,
Or better Sergey and Larry or Mark or Evan Jack and Biz.

(So what you need?)

I need some VC funding from a quality firm,
Have to watch the dilution and the other terms,
Don't want to give away too much precious equity.

(Been there, done that.)

I want to build a business with lots of scale,
That levereges real time / local / long tail,
Then sell it for $100 mil seems fine to me.

(So how you gonna do it?)

We'll build an iPhone app, distribute it for free,
Then monetize with ads that target to a tee.

'Cause we all just want to be big tech stars,
Second time entrepreneurs with exits and scars.
The backing comes easy and the money comes cheap,
We'll sell it before we get in too deep.
And I'll tweet my drivel like a digital player,
And check in everywhere so I can be Mayor.
Spend all my time on conference panels,
Which will all be covered in the digital annals.
Hey, hey, I wanna be a tech star.
Hey, hey, I wanna be a tech star.

Now digital innovation's back in spades,
The traditional players are digging their graves.
They claim pay walls will be their savior.

(But you can't change ingrained consumer behavior.)

We'll use cloud computing and open source,
And Facebook for free distribution of course.
Gonna do it all without a need for a series B.

(So how you gonna do it?)

We'll build an iPhone app, distribute it for free,
Then monetize with ads that target to a tee.

'Cause we all just want to be big tech stars,
Second time entrepreneurs with exits and scars.
The backing comes easy and the money comes cheap,
We'll sell it before we get in too deep.
And I'll tweet my drivel like a digital player,
And check in everywhere so I can be Mayor.
Spend all my time on conference panels,
Which will all be covered in the digital annals.

And the markets and deals are back for sure,
Thank God the doomsday call was premature.
The big companies are chock full of cash,
And all I'm lookin' for is my own little stash, well. . .

Hey, hey, I wanna be a tech star.

I'll hire the staffers and the engineers,
And pay them with options, pizza and beers.
I'll get laid off bankers to do all my deals,
Maybe a smoking hot salesperson in high heels.

'Cause we all just want to be big tech stars,
Second time entrepreneurs with exits and scars.
The backing comes easy and the money comes cheap,
We'll sell it before we get in too deep.
And I'll tweet my drivel like a digital player,
And check in everywhere so I can be Mayor.
Spend all my time on conference panels,
Which will all be covered in the digital annals.

And to ensure we get a sky-high price,
We'll hire the best bank to give is advice.
Getting the right team is very worthwhile,
Everybody should have these guys on speed dial.

Hey, hey, I wanna be a tech star.
Hey, hey, I wanna be a tech star.

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